yessir, monster is in florida.
and it’s three in the morning, so i can’t type much on behalf of my half asleep, or fully asleep, cousin in the room.
so, HELLO(:
how is everyone?
alright, coolbeans.
nighttt.
love,
your monster.
i’ll be at my uncles house for tomorrow and sunday, and then in the car most of monday.
chances are, i won’t be on for a while.
i mean, i’ll get on every now and then, but no.
not everyday to check anything.
sorry darlings.
hope all is well and all remains well.
i shall be home in three weeks,
and like i said, i won’t be totally gone…
well,
goodbye.
-your monster.
sorry about that.
uh, hm.
what’s new?
i met someone,
his name will be uh, matt.
he’s so cute and nice and shit.
and i’m probably just gotta get hurt in the end. :D
yeah, i like him.
he says he likes me too.
but he likes someone else more.
but hey, i have a chance.
whatever.
go listen to brighten.
i dunno, i got into them a few weeks ago.
they make me smile(:
-your monster.
jay, my good friend jay,
told me he likes me today.
just a dozen minutes ago.
thing is, i don’t like him like that.
and i fear i may have led him on.
but i didn’t,
so why do i feel like i did?
three weeks he said.
three weeks he’s liked me.
i’ve known since then.
i have an incredibly good way with people’s thoughts.
because i am an observer.
and i knew.
so why didn’t i stop it?
there was nothing to stop.
and now he won’t talk.
and now he says things are awkward.
things aren’t awkward.
or maybe that’s just me.
what am i gonna do?
-your monster.
the tiny cuts in my leg that didn’t even bleed from wednesday,
are still there.
they’re faint,
but you can see them.
and yes, this makes me smile.
and yes, it makes me want to do it again.
and yes, i think i will.
-your monster is falling into old habits.
i talked to dan.
we went across the street because mom won’t let me leave school anymore.
we were just gonna leave for lunch,
but when dan started to talk to me, i didn’t want to leave.
so we stayed.
anyway,
we were all sitting on the sidewalk, and he was a few people down.
and he stands up,
walks over to me,
and sits down next to me.
for quite a bit.
and we just talked, and talked.
and he said i had a cute nose.
and it was nice, talking to him again.
i miss me and him being such good friends.
anyway, it hit me then,
i wanted to hook up with him.
no, not have sex hooking up.
i just wanted my lips on his.
not because i like him.
because he’s gorgeous.
and because i need someone to get anthony off my lips.
he’s off hooking up with allie,
my old best friend who he doesn’t even like,
and all i have is him to call my last kiss.
what the fuck,not fair.
but whatever.
school ends monday.
most of that was written yesterday, so. sorry i couldn’t post it then.
i skipped lunch again today.
i hoped i would see dan again, but he wasn’t there.):
ugh, whatever.
oh. and you have the right to hate me.
i kind of sort of gave into temptation and stress and ran a safety across my leg for an hour in the shower two nights ago.
no blood, but there’s semideep lines on my leg.
does that count as cutting? /:
-your monster
to find out that i cut school today.
not all of it.
me and jay left seventh period and walked to his house.
it took us like, an hour.
but i was fun.
it’s the last week of school,
and we have plans to do it again.
only next time we’re going back to middle school.
that’s gonna be a bitch of a walk. :D
anyway,
that’s really all that happened today.
we left school,
we walked,
we squeezed onto a chair together,
he tickled me,
we watched college humor videos.
mhm,
well.
it’s one in the morning.
i don’t wanna type.
so goodnight.
-your monster.
i’m slightly falling for my bestfriend.
i have no attraction to him what so ever,
but he’s so sweet, and fun, and i dunno.
maybe i’m saying this because he called me beautiful,
or because he’s the only guy who actually listens and understands me.
the only guy i really truly trust.
hm.
no, i can’t like him.
he’s my best friend, and that would make things way to awkward.
i’m freezing, but i don’t want to turn off the fan because than mom would wake up because of the loud typing.
and typing quietly takes way to long. /:
ughhhh.
i don’t want to go to school tomorrow.
but i guess i have no choice.
you’ll be loved, you’ll be loved,
like you never have known.
and the memories of me,
will seem more like bad dreams.
just a series of blurs,
like i never occurred.
someday you will be loved.
[someday you will be loved; death cab for cutie.]
is that a promise?
i want to be loved.
by someone other than family,
by someone who means it more than a friend.
-your monster.
mom’s making me go to school tomorrow.
ugh,i hope she doesn’t work so she can pick me up after social studies.
i can not bear the thought of having to see allie,
who will probably just skip lunch with anthony and heather again anyway.
and i can’t bear the thought of having to watch them talk and smile and laugh at allie’s dumbass attempts to make a fool out of herself at the end of the day.
they’re ruining my life.
i hope they get together,
and ruin each other like they’ve ruined me.
because i wasn’t always like this.
she has me not trusting anyone,
and he has me going insane.
this is not me.
UGH!
-your monster.
are the adjectives to describe my wordpress posts from now on in.
i’m sorry, but it’s better like that.
as for an update for those to lazy to read the name page.
i lost two friends today.
friends i lost for real a while ago.
allie and anthony.
fuck them both.
they’re assholes.
allie; it was nice until heather came around.
anthony; you’re still an amazing kisser, and i wish things could have worked out. but just because you like allie, and i can’t stand her, doesn’t mean you have to take it out of me.
whatever douche bag.
-your monster.
